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Thursday, August 28, 2003
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Who's that...
Convoginating
To milk
like chocolate in
the summer sun, rising
from slumber with beads of sweat
jumping from glowing orbs of fruit
twirling
twirling
twirling
Ding!
Hot Pockets for everyone
Pre-Convoginated
So im in the cafeteria and there is a chocalate milk machine, which inspires a question in my head. Is there someone in the background convaginating(just for you tim) their little heart out, or does the milk come pre-convoginated. If indeed there is a person back there stirrin' in up, how do i go about getting that job. Thats where i need to be. So im going to the student center today to see if i can get an application to convoginate.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
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Long Week, Little Convogination...
Well, Physics seems to be a requirement up here in Okie land. It's not the physics that I object to, it's the lame stuff that they have us doing. Really, I could care less about the acceleration (or lack thereof) of a rock propelled over a cliff by some magic hand that produces instantaneous acceleration. Now, if we were learning the acceleration of chocolate into milk, and how many stirs it takes to adequately produce a homogenic mixture of convoginated goodness... that's a different story all together. Despite my protests, convogination has yet to be added to the physics labs.
Once again, I must awake early on the morn and make haste to the aerodrome to facilitate early flights. I think I'll stop in time for Krispy Kremes and a wholesome dairy product of the convoginated variety.
Jeff C.
Atomizers, End-Users and the rest of the story...
Atomizers, end-Users and the rest of the story...
Malla-Tar couldn't believe it, not a call all day, and as he sits down to eat his calamari, the stupid intercom buzzes.
"Atmomizing ray-spear help desk, this is Malla-tar, can i help you?" quips Malla-tar. "Before we start i will need your name and last sound that said atomizer made."
"This is Prince Jo of the walla-walla-falla-quars and the last sound it made was a little 'go boshey' and maybe a hint of a 'gah dobey', but it all started with a clankity clank."
"Hmm... Yes sir, this is most likely something to do with darkly liquid. We will have someone there within moments." responds Malla-tar in a very exasperated tone.
"Great... between that nut case King Loo Pa Rak in Swaypoormoogooguypan trying to clone bleat headed pocket gnarfs and Prince Jo of the walla-walla-falla-quars trying to achieve universal domination, I will never get to eat my calamari and convoginate." Malla-tar queitly snarls to himself.
Malla-tar grabs his atomizer parts bag, speak-and-spell, 14cm hex wrench and his worn copy of "How to Fix an Atomizing Ray-Spear in Under 20 Minutes" and darts to the his waiting company space llama.
"Ahhh... I wish for the good 'ol days of Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulators those were so easy to fix..." Malla-tar shouts as he mounts the space llama for a sub-nuclear, proton initiated, dillithium crystal jump across the street.
Malla-Tar ponders " I wonder how old Marvin is doing?"
The Lying Convoginator Cont....
"Eat Swine, Whoure!"
This was about as much as Prince Jo could take, since this was a poke at his unfortuante cloning accident with a pig when he was working as a prostitute.
The atomizing ray-spear began to hum and gurgle threatening to go deep into the recesses of Crestwood's psyche. The machine grew louder and louder as Prince Jo's finger hovered above the big red button.
"Clankity clanky, go boshey, gah dobey", whirled the machine.
Jo's eyebrow raised quisitively and the machine grinded to a sceaching halt.
"Crap!", exclaimed Jo.
He immediately walked over to the intercom and called the help desk. Jo's foot was systematically tapping with regular rythms of agitation. The intercom had a little feedback when the voice penetrated in the echoey room.
"Atmomizing ray-spear help desk, this is Malla-tar, can i help you?" said the intercom. "Before we start i will need your name and last sound that said atomizer made."
"This is Prince Jo of the walla-walla-falla-quars and the last sound it made was a little 'go boshey' and maybe a hint of a 'gah dobey', but it all stated with a clankity clank."
"Hmm... Yes sir, this is most likely something to do with darkly liquid. We will have someone there within moments."
"Please hurry, I am trying to achieve universal domination by unraveling the secrets of convogination!"
The restraints began to weaken.
Will our hero be able to take this opputunity to escape and keep safe the secrets of covogination? Stay tuned.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
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Look at the chompers on that one...
Ahhh...Steve Irwin...the Crocodile Hunter... I wonder if he convoginates with Crocodile milk? I think it was season 3, episode 16, that's the "what's going down" episode... In that one, Steve actually milked a crocodile, a chinchilla and a small Burmese python.
I bet he actually grow his own Cocoa plants. I wonder if he convoginates with his thumb? You know, I bet he even likes to sit around with those crocodiles at night and convoginate into the wee hours of the mornings. Yeah, he sits around and watches TV, smoking and playing cards with those Crocs. They are all tame...they are actors. I'm pretty sure they can all talk. In fact, the big one they call Barney...he's a CPA in Melbourne. I know it's true...I saw it on the internet.
Think about the crocs...
Sunday, August 24, 2003
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Convoginating Calculus
So im in cal 1 and it turns out that im going to have to purchase a TI92 calculator, which cost literaly an arm and a testicle. So i says to myself, before i purchase such a piece of electronic equipment, i should at least know what kind of convaginating capabilities it has. So i read the little description of the said piece of equipment and it turns out that im giving my arm and testicle to something that will in no way provide me w/any type of resource of convogination. Something has to change!
Friday, August 22, 2003
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The Lying Convoginator strikes back
Our hero, David Crestwood, is standing firm this time; he will not give into the pressures of the evil malcontents of this world.
The atomizing ray-spear of Prince Jo of the walla-walla-falla-quars inches slowly towards Crestwood's head threatening to sabotage and erase all memories of what calamarie tasted like. "Tell me how to convoginate! Now!", screamed Prince Jo, "or I will wipe away all mention of calamarie from your brain." This obviously sent a shiver up our hero's spine. His powers came straight from the beautiful meat of the squid, but he would not let this show on his face. Years of training in the arts of convogination and interrogation hopefully prepared him for this moment.
"Eat Swine!"
to be continued.....
Weekend Convoginating...
As I sit here and laugh at the pudding in the milk reference from a previous blog, I remembered the weekend has arrived. I will be traveling to the home of not only the blues, but good 'ol southern convoginatin'.
Memphis is a lovely town (stop laughing). Where else can you get ribs, get blues, get shot and get robbed possibly all at the same time? I mean come on, they got their own pyramid. I will be visiting in-laws...that is always an adventure, but, if they have plenty of the nectar of the prairie and the greatest invention Willy Wonka ever came up with, then I will be fine.
So...you boys (and girls) have a good weekend and keep stirring...keep stirring...
Thursday, August 21, 2003
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Flyer under my door
I walked into my dorm room and on the floor was a flyer which read BYOMAC, which i understood to mean bring your own milk and chocalate, so me and my roommate are getting the necassities to have night full of MEANINGLESS CONVOGINATION!! YEa For ME!!
Changed the site a bit...like cheese in a blender
I have created Archive areas now... To view posts from days gone by (Delta Dawn whats that flower you got on?)...please select the weekly archives at the right... All those great stories still exist in the PAST!!! (maniacal laughter here)...
Live long and Convoginate!
Slow web...
well, as the web slows down, I slow down the convoginating and take time to smell the dairy... Ahhh...Good Dairy! Thursday? Yes, Thursday...the day before Friday and the day after Wednesday... and a good day to convoginate and think of the crisp, clean, freshness of Hershey's Chocolate, flowing from the container... good times!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
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Condolences on the Convoginaserver
What is the world coming to? Why must people have so much hate for convoginators? And why is it that when you start a post with a question, you feel compelled to have three or more [questions]? I say it's an indictment on our entire society... now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find proper convogination ingredients.
Jeff C.
Tonight is Bad... Like a Moose with an inflamed heinie..
So tonight has been devistating(sp?)(whocares) My server...the great convoginator has been hit by hackers. Well, it was my fault for not keeping the updates up-to-date, and you know the NOn-Convoginators of the world...they are out to replace the NesQuick with strawberry and other flavors....
So I feel like this----------->
It will get better...the server is dead.. gonna have to rebuild... but the pheonix, actually the NesQuick rabbit shall rise from the ashes...the Convoginaserver will ride again!!!
Hot Yogurt and Convogination of the gods...
As usual, morning swim, quick round of skeet, message and then then the convogination... Yet today, something seemed a miss. Was it the fact that my trusty skeet caddie Spooky Marsinkowitz was out with inflammation of the tainticus particular? No... Was it the fact that my beloved pet gator Ricky didn't chase me with his/her (never had the guts to look) normal tenacity? No... Was it the fact that someone had taken the beloved nectar of the gods, Whole Milk, from the hallowed temple of Dairy goodness, the fridge, and not returned it?
Oh yes... That was it. And what, Pray tell, do I find in is place? Pansy, gay, smooth and fluffy YOGURT!!!
Oh Hell 'o Dolly, I don't think so. Ain't no he-man, woman hater in the world able to get his John Claude Van Damme groove on in the morning with Yogurt! A real man needs some stop up the engine, make the dog wet the floor, cat jump up in the ceiling fan, put yo momma in a home CONVOGINATIN'!
Needless to say...Things got broken and the Grand Poo Baa needs $10k for bail... CANGATD???
Convoginating in the streets
I just saw it! I saw someone convoginating in the streets! Well, maybe I didn't see this guy in the streets, maybe he was in my kitchen... and maybe the guy was me, but it still counts, doesn't it?
Jeff C.
Convogination 101
So today i went to the Registrar's office to add a convogination course to my schedule and it turns out that UCA doesnt offer a convogination class. Now i didnt look to make sure before i enrolled in UCA that they had such a course, i just assumed. Well i guess thats what i get. Now i dont know if its normal for a school to have convogination 101, but dang it im not going to stay at school that doesnt have it. What class are they going to not have next? Underwater Basketweaving? Tin foil Oragami. Once again i say Something has got to change
eRIc
The little teeth mites....
It is morning and my covoginating mixture has soured and I don't know what to do. I need to find my will and make some more. After today i will need to do alot of covoginating. You ask me how do i know. In my dreams the great cow told me to be wary of the little teeth that make their way into our ears like mites. Everyone, heed my call!
The little teeth mites!
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
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Covogination Mishap
So I covoginated with the wrong ingredients earlier this afternoon, and I had to be rushed to the hospital. Let that be a lesson for all of you, failure to adhere to the covogination checklist and/or failing to properly identify ingredients can and will lead to a severed appendage. You have been warned.
Jeff C.
Im starting a Foundation
Ive come to realize that there is a need in this world. There has been a reported shortage of convogination in third world countries, and THIS HAS GOT TO CHANGE. I have a dream where convogination will be on every corner, it will start from a young age. It will be spoke of at the dinner table. It will be done for desert. But for this to happen were going to need to start a PBS station of our own. So we need to show some really crappy programs and then we need to cut in on them w/ a still photo of an old woman talking a phone. and in the back ground we can play a wav of a bunch of phones ringing. ANd for every 100 dollars a person gives, they will recieve, and get this, a big tall glass of.......TEPID WATER. So, LET IT BE SO!
Early mornin' convoginating...
Yeah, so I was out at the airport at 6:15 in the AM and as I was performing my duties as Chief Convoginator, it occured to me that some of the aircraft were not convogination-worthy... alas, I had to fix that with only the tools at my disposal: a bowl of tepid water, a soiled hair pin, and dirt. Then, there was much dancing.
Jeff C.
Rough day on the range...
BOY HOWDY! Let me tell you... it has been a tough day for the smart people. Convoginators UNite! I mean baby, these suckers are like cows sailing snowplows upstream... Yes, I have felt a bit overwhelmed today...much like this picture.
I felt much like this all day.
The upper part being the non-convoginators of the world.
Peace and NesQuick to all...
MONTY!!
I have mandatory meetings, and they suck. I asked the prof, during which hours could convoginating be safely practiced. He told me 24 hrs, but only in the convogination area. SO ive spent most of the morning there. I tell you, there are a lot of people practicing unsafe convogination. Jungle Fever!!
eRIc
i agree
Paradox's ARe cool
Convoginating done gone sour...
unfortunately today has left my morning convoginating experience as distasteful as a whol mouthful of sour patch kids and a Code REd. Down I say...out of the chair of control and allow me to fix the short between the chair and the keyboard... Oh SkyNet...Take me away!!!
Google bar has Blogging built in. Paradoxes ar so Cool.
Get the tool bar and then all you have to do is blog.
It actully lets you blog about the site that you are on,
but then all youhave to do is delete the title and the html that
is generated and then viola!
Monday, August 18, 2003
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Not the greatest pick-up line
My roommate was looking for a way to talk to this girl in the cafeteria today so i says to him "Room mate, what you should do is say 'hey girl, you fine, what do you say we go to the dairy section and convoginate' to which she responded 'you are sick, what kind of a girl do you think i am"
I figured heck, that should be a great way to meet a female. What female wouldnt love to just have carefree, lustful, meaningless convogination. Beats me. Shoot when i was at my prime, it wasnt uncommon for me to convoginate w/a different person 5 or 6 times a week. I guess as the great dave chapelle once said, "Those days are over"
"
Now all is well...
remember people... i rule with a steel... ok I rule with and iron...wait... i rule with warm chocolate, slowly added to the coldest of white, creamy, whole milk with the tenderness of a
...MAMA Shark killing baby seals for her young!!! YEAH BABY!!!
Since there are 2 Jeffs, I will now be known as the Grand Poo Baa!
So sayeth the shepherd, so sayeth the flock.
MMM.... Chicken...
I think it's time to go cook some chicken for dinner. Ok, and I've been warned by the officer for convoginating in public. And it just occured to this convoginator that there are two Jeff's here, so alas I shall sign mine appropriately.
Jeff C.
Spell it right ...or we gonna fight...
After what seemed to be an eternity, I was able to add to the English language with the creation of:
CONVOGINATE
This word is not to be taken lightly, or mis-spelled. I myself shall butcher the English language throughout this blog...but, I will chaste even mine own backside dare I mutilate the beautiful spelling of CONVOGINATE.
U haf bean worned bout dis hear.... CONVOGINATE!
Ronnie, Jimme Lou, Skeeter and I stirring it up at the 'ol convoginatin' hole
Hooray, now I can convoginate!
Well, I got my initial training for me new job today. First, you take the squirrel and tie a sparkler to its tail. (no ordinary sparkler will do, it has to be a high quality one, otherwise the squirrel will fizzle out early.) After you attach the sparkler to the squirrel, ignite the sparkler with one hand and propel it toward someone with the other. This is important, because once you light it, you want it to have somewhere to go. Step three: stand out of the way and laugh. All that, and I get paid too...
Seriously, I've got some covignating to do as of right now...
I wanna pee
I need something warm...
Not pie or cake....
Not the sun...
Just pee...
Ahh...the sweet smell of...Success???
So today was a good day... I think...convoginating took place at 06:48 this morning and all felt right. BUT WAIT! Was it right...not sure... We were having a birthday bash for the skipper today, unfortunately, some really bad terrorist dressed up like the band we had hired and the caterers, and took over the band hall... Luckily, me being a retired Navy seal...now working as a ships cook, I was able to overtake the small group (45) of terrorists and land the crippled jet in a safe place...
You know it!!! Eric is in College...Convoginating! GO ERIC! He is studying to be a milk cow!
A Smell Amongst A Crowd
Today i had a mandatory meeting and yeah i had the freakin worst gas of all time. It had been churning up since i had woken up, so anyways, the meeting was in a very crowded auditorium, and could feel it building and building, and finally when people started clapping, i let it EXPLODE! People near me looked around caz they could feel their seat raddle. If my butt had lips, i could have recited the 3rd chapter of John w/ that one. I can still kind of smell it, and its 6 hours later.
Fart Fig Newton
So,
Im in college now. Im colleging up! Colleging kind of reminds me of convoginating. I think me and my roommate might convoginate tonight. I dunno, it depends on my mood. hehe. I do have some milk!! So anyways, i had quite an adventure today, I took the bus from hope to conway and it turns out that there was a bomb on the bus, placed there by some terrorist. So the bus wasnt able to stop or we would all die. But we came to a break in the bridge, and we had no choice but to jump it. Anyways, thats a long story. I think maybe itll happen again on a boat or something. I dunno
So anybody else gonna post???
Saturday, August 16, 2003
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Help!!! I am being kept in a small cage
So, I think everything is ok...get up...get a shower...and BAM!! I am knocked unconcious by a huge card board box. I sit there for what seems like and hour, travel by motor car for some time, cross 2 railroad tracks and then I am thrust in to this dirty brighlty lit space... I have managed to reach a safe terminal and get a picture of myself off of their surveillance cameras... 
This is me..NOT Convoginating!Please help...the convoginating has ceased and all is not well...
Friday, August 15, 2003
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And then there was the space landing...
One time I had to land my space capsule on the beach... While I was waiting to be rescued, I found a genie in a bottle. Her name was genie... Me and my friend Roger had lots of Fun getting really neat wishes...Until Eric and the sea captain took us out on the boat to find a large shark and then these guys in really fast cars tried to highjack a truck and then we tried to order some Chinese food...and then...and then
It seems like yesterday....
i was remenising of days past, and i thought about that time when me and my sister went w/my grandpa to his new zoo, except this zoo had really large lizards. they were friendly at first, but then they got mad and trapped us under a truck, and we barely escaped almost certain death. But it all turned out in the end. Except john lovitz screwed everything up, but thats a whole nother story.
awww... nostalgia
Pilot Episode
Well,
This is my Pilot Post. Im a little new at this so im going to take it nice and slow. You know, i dont want to get hurt. I ve been down that hershey highway, uhh, i mean that road one to many times before. Anypoo, i dont have much on my schedule for tonight, but i definently see some convogination if you know what i mean. uh huh.
Milk is like Alien eyes peering into your bathroom...
You know that makes you feel all spookly inside... LOOK Big nasty cows from space!!
My feet are on fire!!
You know you wanted a picture of me working out!
More to come?!?!?
The First Blog
My first Blog.... I want to thank my poopy undies... and i would like to thank...well... me.
I did this. I really did.
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