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Saturday, March 31, 2007
Phynerk's just jealous!

I knew that once he had his winning hairstyle in place, Phynerk would begin to make fun of those without as much "hair" talent.

Okay, it was a stretch, but I was looking for a reason to put that picture up. Probably the worst singer in America. I bet the 7-Eleven corporation is beyond joy, probably Duncan Donuts too.


Friday, March 30, 2007
Is it just me...

Or are the graphics messed up a little on this site? For that matter, Josh (tallglassofwater) hasn't been here in quite a while. I understood he was the one that was supposed to be keeping house, and so I will blame the lack of posts and visitors sqaurely on the fact that he hasn't been keeping the graphics up to his usual standards. (See, they've already taught us finger pointing; I am getting a lot for my tution dollars.)

Let's revert the good, old-fashioned guilt trips, because my "raise the bar" standard doesn't seem to have worked.

Come on you guys... POST!

Jeff C.

Hope SCANDAL !!!!!

Manteca gives Hope "the finger" !


Thursday, March 29, 2007
We have hit an all time low...

I feel the end is near! Phynerk has been driving by my house yelling "POST" out of his car window!

As you can tell by the graph above, NOBODY visits this website anymore! We need a Michael Jackson size scandal to get the browsers pointing in our direction.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Nothing "personal"

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is considering whether to run for president, said on Tuesday the personal lives of White House hopefuls shouldn't become an issue in the 2008 campaign.

I think this is an excellent idea. Just think of the positive qualities of an individual we miss when we allow our petty, little, conservative mores get in the way. For instance, we should consider the following people to be our country’s next leader based on their true qualifications and NOT of their “personal lives”:
Simon Cowell would be a great leader of our nation. I mean, this guy can really put together a total gig ! Let’s not piddle with the fact he’s an insensitive, overbearing, obnoxious, Brit that only wears one of two tee-shirts. What about Al Gore ? I mean he would already be our leader if he wouldn’t have gotten “robbed” of it last go around. With him at the helm his vast understanding of the scientific, delicate, planetary balance of the thermodynamic principles would guarantee our long range survival as a nation as well as the world. Who cares if the guy doesn’t follow any of his own rules for thermal control – just as long as his temperature police see that YOU do. Then there is Dr. Timothy Leary, PhD Psychologist, philosopher, explorer, teacher, optimist, author and revolutionary avatar of the mind. His grasp of wisdom could move our nation into vistas of understanding yet to be imagined even though the guy was the druggie god of the 60’s and (my bad) he’s dead…but would it really matter ? His personal life should not be in the mix, people ! Of course, the list goes on of so many others like Snoop Dogg, The Exterminator, Ted Kennedy, Lex Luthor and Bin Laden who have hidden traits that could guide our nation into greatness if we would only get their personal lives out of the picture. So thank you Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich for sharing with us your view – magnificent !

Tuesday, March 20, 2007
They weren't worried, big Al would have warmed them up...

Those purveyors of national pride and global fortitude were not worried one bit. They knew that if they were cold and needed him, Big Al would have flown in, jumped in one of the four SUVs at his disposal, demanded a police escort (with non "green" motorcycles), taken the longest route possible (cause big al likes to roll listening to some snoop), and warmed them up with his fiery breath (a special gift from his Uncel satan).


Now that's "dedication" for you.

These people braved the freezing cold to march in the snow on the first day of spring to warn us of global warming today in Boston. They are an example to us all. What kind of example is another thing !

Monday, March 19, 2007
If I had a nickel...

Man, has this happened to me SO many times...first it was bongs, then mushrooms, then heroin needles, acid laced headbands, funny tweety bird tongue tatoos... I am SOOO nieve!


Finally…a real festival!

I was lucky this weekend to attend the Jonquil Festival at the Old Washington Historic State Park. Yes, I know, we have ALL played that cursed festival on several occasions with the Hope JazzCats. I refer to it as cursed due to the fact that 9 times out of 10, when we played, it was either, wet, cold, windy, wet and cold, windy and cold, wet and windy, etc. I had to go out this Sunday afternoon, as the women in my house (they outnumber me) wanted to go.

WOW, I was impressed. REAL crafts! A lady was actually making soap and selling it. I searched, but I couldn't find one Van Halen mirror in the whole place! I admit, they had some big jumpy things and a climbing wall, but they had relegated them to an area near the highway and away from the main hoopla. They had gator on a stick! I succumbed and found out that it tastes a lot like pond scum. Luckily, they had extra long corndogs and Jumbo lemonade. Yes, the nectar of the gods! I must say, if the Hopeless Watermelon festival could return to this format, I believe they might find more of the locals involved, AND in return attract a larger "festival" crowd instead of the gypsies, tramps and thieves that accosted me the last time I was there.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I see a trend here....

Exhibit #1 : Feb. 2, 2004
Exhibit #2: May 4, 2005

Exhibit #3 ; The present
Mar. 12, 2007

An alarming trend can be seen in these three photographs of this one individual over the span of two years. Do you know what it is ?


Tuesday, March 13, 2007
March and the Mustache thereof

yes i know its been a while...

now that that is out of the way i wanted to talk a little bit about a part of the mens body that, if lucky, is fertile enough to grow some of the richest, fullest hair a man could ask for... this area is of course the upper lip. my upper lip is currently on day 13 of my mustache endeavor... i thought i would compile a list that only a mustache owner or enthusiast could appreciate... those of you who can relate then feel free to chuckle... the rest of you... feel free to burn with envy..

things mustaches are good for:

  • dazzling additions to already stunning upperlips.
  • upper lip hiders
  • nose scratcher
  • if you close your eyes and lay on your arm just right, it feels as if one of the manliest men ever recorded is snuggling with you.
  • woman deterrent
  • woman attractant
  • its one of the two sides of velcro.... depends on the length.
  • tounge cleaner
  • crum compartant(s)
  • one of the main parts of a porn star costume
  • one of the main parts of a child molestor costume
  • one more thing men can hold above womens heads, since their smaller brains arent quite capable of thinking up how to train the upper lips to be fierce like mustache tigers.... and the women that can, are usually frowned upon.
  • conversation piece
  • best friend

this list could go on and on however there are somethings that require the secret mustache handshake to even speak about so ill just leave it at that....


ps...if you are wondering... yes there is something over there out of frame that i am looking at that was deserving of a sternly cool gaze

Monday, March 12, 2007
Spring Has Sprung

After weeks of teenish' temperatures followed by a few days of tolerable highs and then more teenish' temperatures, it seems Spring is finally upon us. Normally I would be much more joyful, as this is my favorite season. It is pleasant to be outside, and the long winter (long as it seems to be in this part of the world) seems to have given most of us cabin fever. Unfortunately, the outside and I rarely see much of each other any more. No fear, Spring Break is fast approaching, and it will be then that I am able to... oh yeah, I'll probably be studying for the majority. Either way, Spring Break means the big legal research and writing project is done, and then I get to throw all this paper away:
Jeff C.

Friday, March 09, 2007
Eddie Van Halen auditioning for the role of Curly in "City Slickers III"

WOW! Jean Claude Van Damme Eddie, what happened?!?! I understand that those years of hard rockin' ruined your marriage, caused David Lee Roth to flip out and leave the group and pretty much made you addicted to anything addictive, but geez man. When I saw this picture, all I could think of was Jack Palance doing one armed pushups on the Oscars. Maybe its a good thing he is entering re-hab. Seriously, I hope Eddie is going to be ok. He was a driving force in...oh whatever.


Top 10 reasons to live with your DEAD roommate

CANTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. — A 28-year-old woman may have kept the body of her roommate in their apartment for up to three weeks, police said. An anonymous caller told police in Wayne County's Canton Township on Tuesday night that the woman was living in the apartment with her dead roommate.

Top 10 reasons to live with your DEAD roommate

10) I like it quiet when I read .
9) No waiting when you want to use the bathroom.
8) Their half of the apartment always stays clean ( except for that darn smell ) .
7) I can always watch what I want on TV .
6) We can always talk about the things that interest me.
5) It cuts the food bill almost in half !
4) I always have a place to hang my coat .
3) You don’t need to worry about your roommate stealing your boyfriend.
2) You never have to worry about getting permission to borrow any of their stuff.
1) There are always "seconds" after dinner .


Thursday, March 08, 2007
Happy Birthday Seashell!

Looks like the Bride to Be is turning 21 today! I made this cake especially for you (notice the seashells). Matthew and I sang Happy Birthday, then I ate the cake. Which was not easy as I had to fend off Matthew with my left hand...and I had no fork.

I hope you have a great birthday and get lots of cake and presents. I'll try and get this Wonder Woman Pez dispenser wrapped and in the mail!


Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I'd like to apologize to the Mac Users...but it is FUNNY!!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Tis’ True…you forgot one!

That big liar Al Gore! Looks like the EuroPeons are really getting hit hard. I actually thought Bulgaria was lucky to have running water, much less ski resorts. Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red ski suit...


You can't deny the evidence - Gore's right !

The end is near ! Buy your Convoginator hand-held fan here at our store. Only $19.95 and we'll include a signed photograph of Manteca eating a coney with cheese.


Saturday, March 03, 2007
Sticks and Stones boys (and girls), sticks and stones...

Freedom of speech. You know it really has no place in this country anymore. Well, if you hug dolphins, drive an eco-mobile or eat vegetables that weren't "murdered," then you get your Freedom of Speech card (those things also enable other cards, but that is a different post).

So Ann Coulter calls John Edwards a "faggot." Boo Hoo! Do yo know how many 9th grade boys in this country get called "faggot" and then have the crap beat out of them each day? Hey Howard Dean, where's the legislation on that? That seems like the perfect democratic sponsored bill. I would bet 9 times out of 10 it is a little rich boy (son of a politician) that does the name calling and physical degradation. Yeah, I'm labeling...

So calling the President stupid, ignorant, redneck, etc. is OK? A label is a label...and it is just words. You know some of the last people I would trust are politicians, from either side. But goodness grief, can the democrats be any whinier about some of the most ridiculous things? What a bunch of "faggots!" Someone should throw them on a fire!


Friday, March 02, 2007
Are we gonna let the Catholics have all the fun...

Thank goodness somebody wrote a funny piece, which Fox published, about the great idiot James "king of the world" Cameron.

You have GOT to read this...

Oh yeah, I found an old dog grave in the woods. Says Spot on the wooden cross...pretty sure it is the grave of the great Rin Tin Tin...


Thursday, March 01, 2007
Stranger than fiction

OTTAWA (AFP) - A former Canadian defense minister is demanding governments worldwide disclose and use secret alien technologies obtained in alleged UFO crashes to stem climate change, a local paper said Wednesday.

This article raises a few questions. First we must assume a few things.
1) Aliens exist
2) UFO’ s exist
3) This guy was actually a Canadian defense minister or he is an escapee from some Canadian mental institution.
But assuming he’s right about the aliens and their technology, it would be just our luck that these UFO’s are here because their planet is running low on fuel too. They may be here searching for a source for this fuel which we call, gasoline. Ain’t that the luck !!?

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