It is with great anticipation that Convoginators will be releasing another product to the public just in time for Christmas. Based upon the huge success of the past breakthroughs from the
“Insta-Grat” Software Suite and the
“Surgi-Shave” 6 blade razor, we announce our newest product from Phynerk Labs;
The Jive Talk Decoder Ring. Much appreciation must be given to Dr. Irving P. Schmidtlap for his original work in sinusoidal depleneration on which the JTDR design rests. The unit is actually very easy to use even though the technology driving this amazing invention goes far beyond the ability of this writer to convey to the common laymen. The unit is constructed in two simple pieces. The first piece is simply placed upon the document of which trace quantities of Jive may exist and the second is a 3 inch round ring that is placed over the mouth. As the suspect document is read “through” the JTDR mouth amulet, the true interpretation of the host document is actually heard. I can only ponder the utter amazement you have with the somewhat technical descriptions of the JTDR. I am certain what you really want is an actual demonstration. As you wish ! Before me I have a recent copy of the Hope newspaper, I have just finished reading a typical article that was submitted by a high-ranking officer in the Hope Public Schools. I personally thought I detected a slight quantity of Jive in one particular paragraph. To see if my suspicions are correct, we will pass this same paragraph “through” the JTDR to ascertain the true rendering of the host document. Therefore, the original document reads as follows:
We must continue to work hard and provide research-based programs that will help close the achievement gap between our African American and Caucasian student populace as well as our ever increasing Hispanic population. Please, go to your schools and ASK NOT WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR YOU BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM. It still takes a village to raise a child.
Now I will attach the JTDR and read the same paragraph through the mouth amulet and the following Jive Talk detection is as follows:
We will continue to acquiesce to the false notion that the goal of education is “Equality” and not “Excellence” by dumbing down the white kids for the sake of the non-achieving skurves that are reproducing at an alarming rate. Please go to your schools and DON’T ASK NOTHIN’ BUT WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR YOU. Soon the Village People will be raising your children.
So there you have it. This remarkable device will soon be available in all your favorite stores in Hope that sell car parts, tobacco, or homemade tamales. Or in other words any store in town.
P
hynerk
