Today I burned some leaves and braches which raised the temperature over south Hempstead county approximately 0.00000000187 C for a total of 45 minutes. Also during this non-green infraction 85 unsuspecting fire ants were killed and many injured as they were caught unawares of my wrong doing; not to mention 2 earthworms, four moths and six rolie-polies. My grief and shame are more than I can bear so to counter this willful disrespect for our dear earth I pledge that for the remainder of this week I will use only one square of toilet tissue for each “brown event” unless said “event” is a messy one in which case two squares will be forfeited so that my carbon footprint may be reconciled. It is my heartfelt hope that no one will contact the authorities of this as I will endeavor not to do this ( until next time ).
Phynerk
