I hate cold. I find nothing more frustrating than temperatures below 40 degrees. Similarly, I find temperatures above 90 degrees rather annoying.
The problem, as I see it, is that the temperature is being disproportionately distributed across the planet. It is cold at the poles, and hot at the equator. Wouldn't a nice 72 degree blanket temperature be more appealing to most? I don't care about those whiney people who actually like snow... get over it, and give me a break. I shouldn't have to put up with four months of freezing temperatures, six months of oppressive heat and only two months a year of pleasant weather...
The solution? Hell (oops! I hope that doesn't make it worse) I don't know, I'm no scientist. I did not invent the internet, nor have I ever been the next President of the United States. You might say, I am one of the least qualified individuals imaginable to comment on the topic. At first, such a thought distressed me, but then I realized that, just like hollywood celebrities, a lack of experience and/or knowledge about a particular subject matter should not preclude an individual from forming an opinion and preaching it from whatever forum he or she finds most convenient. Alas, my theoretical "solution."
Phynerk, being the genius that he is, needs to build a weather control device and install it in the Convogi-Lair. It should resemble that annoying children's toy that makes animal sounds after you pull a string and the arrow points at the corresponding animal (The cow says, Moo). Different weather phenomena should replace the animals and through some form of scientific know-how the corresponding weather pattern should materialize instead of the device making an animal noise. (Note, there may already be one of these in existence at the White House, what else could have caused the hurricanes to hit New Orleans?!?!)
Part two of "the device" will likely be the most important. It should look like an ordinary thermostat and be juxtaposed to the central heat and air thermostat in the Convogi-Lair. The more confusion as to which one controls the temperature inside the structure and which one controls the global temperature, the better. (I know how Manteca likes to have it cold enough to hang meat in his house, this should solve the global warming crisis.)
So there you have it, a solution to the global warming crisis that is at least as idiotic as the so called "crisis" in the first place...
Jeff C.
P.S. There, I posted... so back off... and I can't get Seashell to chime in, so don't even ask. She's too busy with school, her own blog, and planning the Convogi-wedding.
P.P.S. I just realized that for this plan to work, we might have to build a Convogi-Lair... Is the old tattoo parlor/palm reader building available?
