I'm sitting at the light on Main St. in front of Wilson's Furniture store, calmly waiting for my turn to slide through the intersection. The loud, booming of someone's 15" subs never registers in my brain. I have successfully learned to ignore that sound whilst driving in our lovely metropolitan areas. Anywho, as my light turns green and I begin to creep (thats what we old people do while crossing intersections) through the light, I notice the Chrylser Neon on my right with the purple holographic paint job and the gold chain license plate frame. Normally, this model of the Chrylser Neon, I believe it is the Neon POS with the .002 liter injection system, would never catch my eye. This morning though the beauty of the sun glinting off the purple/green holographic paint and the fact that there is a white kid named Ronald** hanging out of the drivers side window while pulling off a Fly Girl dance move from the classic "In Living Color" television program dressed in his brand new Eminem outfit from the K-Mart Eminem Collection...oh yeah and the truckers cap turned sideways, really catches my attention. I begin to laugh uncontrollably. Ronald notices this and flips me off...then decides to pursue.
So here we are, driving down Main St. this little tin can with bling speeding up beside me, Ronald yelling at me at the top of his lungs "yo man, where da hell is my respect..." I am still laughing, and harder now. And then it happens. He actually said it. "I'm gonna hafta put a cap in yo ass!" I couldn't believe it. This kid who I am darn positive has never ventured outside a 4 miles radius of Caney Creek and tragically WHITE, just threatened to put a cap in my ass. Can you cap someones ass with your uncle Jerry Don's 410? Does a .22 hurt worse than a pellet gun? Is the kid a member of the street gang John Deer 12 ( a small offshoot of the Cult of Hank Williams Jr.)??? At this point, the fear takes over...hehe! I realize that I have pooped larger threats than this kid. Luckily, my response is predestined. "Hey, you might want to put a cap on those brakes." Luckily for me, one of Hope's finest has decided to pull out from beside Collin's Electronics. Ronald slams on his breaks and Officer Hightower immediately puts on his lights. I wave goodbye and hope that I get to see Ronald again really soon...for the laughs.
manteca
**Names have been changed and/or made up to protect the ridiculously stupid redneck.
