Actually, this post has little or nothing to do with the original Unreal lab in the High School. It was merely a good title, alas, I have digressed before I have even begun. Moving along.
I was talking with some friends the other day and the discussion somehow turned to the old computer game "Oregon Trail," which I had the distinct honor of winning probably 99% of the time I was allowed to play it back in the day. While everyone else was slaving away on those stupidly-easy computer diagnostic tests that I seemed to breeze through really without caring how well I did (although I seemed to have done well enough to pass all of them and still have time for computer games) I was told to play "Oregon Trail." While a great many of us have lost many hours to this wonderful monochrome, textual simulation of the rigors of manifest destiny, I seem to have enjoyed particularly more success than all of my friends as they constantly whined about catching pneumonia, malaria, dysentery, or a myriad of maladies that were so prevalent in those early computers. When asked about the secret of my success, I couldn't help but laugh. It's easy if you just take the redneck approach.
"Unidentified riders are approaching, they appear to be outlaws."
>ATTACK!
"Another band of travelers is ahead, one of them appears to be ill"
>ATTACK!
"A herd of buffalo is just over the hill."
>ATTACK!
"Some Indians are approaching, they look friendly and will possibly share their food."
>ATTACK!
"Congratulations, you have reached Oregon!"
>ATTACK!
Well, you get the idea. Anytime there was shooting to be done, you're darn sure I was blazing away like Sherman through Atlanta. Isolationism was obviously a good thing, since it kept all manner of illnesses away, and I was only faced with a Donner-party type situation once.
I much preferred the game where the two gorillas stood on rooftops and threw exploding bananas at each other.
Jeff C.
