Oh no, it's THAT time again. Many call it the "season to be jolly"…Ha ! That's easy for you to say. You don't live in a house that has the pull down "stairway to hell" in the garage. You see this stairway leads to the holding place of more Christmas decorations than the North Pole. I can tell already it's going to be a bad year for me. Last night Ms. Phynerk dug out her welding hood to spot weld down the power button to the CD player. Soon she will load up the player with 200 CD' s of the world's most holly-jolly Christmas music. It'll happen sure as the world. Somewhere between Burl Ives, Johnny Nash , Alvin and the Mormon Tabernacle boy's choir I will loose all my senses. Next will come her request that I ascend the "stairway to hell" to bring down the 8.6 metric tons of assorted gala Christmas stuff she's accumulated during our short 34.5 years of blissful wedlock. The reason this year promises to be the worst ever for me is threefold. First, we didn't go all-out last year with decorating. We had the house completely torn up due to getting new carpets during that time. I was fortunate in only having to set up half of the city of Bethlehem , the Magi (less their smelly camels), 75 elves, and 16 assorted Christmas trees. We left the remaining livestock and cattle in the attic for another year. I only hope they did not bear too many offspring during the spring and summer months. Second, this year Matthew will not be helping me get all the stuff down for several reasons. For one, he never has. I also understand "he's busy", his strings are old, he broke a fingernail, there are no 78" diagonal gelplasmic HD 7.1 surround sound systems in the attic to watch while we work, and last, but not least, he hasn't worked out in several weeks and he does not have the strength to do such manly-man work. The last reason this will be a horrible year for me is that eRIc will not be helping either. His reasons are quite simple; HE WON'T! So, I'll have to go on my own into the warehouse-in-the-sky and begin retrieving all the trappings of the season that bring a smile to all who see them. Things such as a life-sized statue of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer complete with glow-in-the-the-dark drool. Another thing Ms. Phynerk is particularly proud of is the actual hotel register from the Bethlehem Inn which shows that all the rooms on that holy night actually were taken. We even have authentic styrofoam donkey, camel, horse and cow poop ( or is it just the real stuff that's all dried up over the centuries ? ) So while you guys are enjoying yourselves over the Thanksgiving holidays, I'll still be somewhere in the attic dragging down decorations or setting them up somewhere on the property. Seasons Greetings, punks !
Phynerk
