There's something about me you need to know. I have a total aversion to any thought of cooking. But, there comes a time in our lives when we all must meet our deepest fears head on. That opportunity came my way last night. I came home starving after a hard days work. There was nothing in the house to eat. Ms. Phynerk was at (college) school. [Soon I will be known as Ms. Phynerk's husband. You know, Ms Phynerk - she's the one who has the Master's Degree]. Anyway, I gathered all my courage and went about to cook my first meal. "What to do ?" I thought…"Where should I start?"….. THE FREEZER ! It was there I found the answer to my dilemma. It was a box marked "Savory Beef With Sautéed Vegetables In Rich Gravy". Next, I knew from experience with other such delicate procedures, it would be necessary to follow the instructions carefully. Let's see, Oven Instructions: Bake 28 minutes at 325 Degrees. NO WAY….I'll be dead by then. There must be a better way; wait, what's this? Microwave Instructions: Peel back film from corner of potatoes. Heat on High for 3 minutes. Remove film; stir potatoes. Heat on High for 3-4 minutes. Already I could see I could improve on what the 'experts' had laid out as instructions. Why, I asked, should you stop mid-stream to stir potatoes that looked to be pretty much stirred already??? Heating straight through could save me an easy 30-45 secs. ! I can do this !!!!! So, I set the microwave at 5 and a half minutes and waited for my Savory Beef. My mouth was already watering. 'Ding'; the familiar sound that caused me to run back to the kitchen so I could begin to enjoy my first cooked meal. It was at this point that things began to deteriorate. When I peeled off the film covering my Savory Beef, the smell that hit me was like no Savory Beef I'd ever sensed. In fact, it was more like the smell of a gut-wrenching belch from a pit bull. Next, where were those beautiful, delicate, colorful vegetables that were pictured on the cover? In fact, I would be willing to bet that the Hubbell telescope on it's highest intensity aimed at my plate could not have detected a trace of bell pepper, peas or celery. In fact, the only thing I could find were three big honkin' pieces of carrots. I have always strongly held to the belief that no orange vegetable should ever be put into your mouth. I also found that there were more words used to describe the meal ("Savory Beef With Sautéed Vegetables In Rich Gravy") than the number of pieces of the 'so called' Savory Beef. Then there was the matter of the ice particles in the mashed potatoes. How could this be ? I followed the instructions !!! So, I guess during this trip trough the culinary arts I learned three things. First, I gained a deep appreciation for people that cook. In fact a deep, humbling awe for anyone who knows how to actually use a stove, mixer or bowls in food preparation. Next, I realized I need to stick with things I know to be quite easy and understandable, like process automation control, PID loop tuning or heat transfer flow calculations. Finally, I realized that if I ever find myself in a desperate situation again requiring cooking, I should try something a little easier like a mayonnaise sandwich.
Phynerk
