I have a confession to make. I know this a secure channel, but I still ask that everything I say be held in strict confidence. You see, my wife, Mrs. Phynerk, is a…….she's a…...well, there's no tactful way to say it - she's a Christ-ma-holic. Both my sons, Matthew and eRIc, will attest, what I say will be absolutely true and not exaggerated one bit. The demon in Mrs. Phynerk seems to rise its' head about March when she begins to hum Christmas carols around the house while she does her chores. This is when we all begin to get worried since we know DECORATING time is just around the corner. In fact, I spend most of November in the attic bringing down no less than 7.8 metric tons of assorted Christmas decorations. Not just any decorations, mind you, but we set up the actual manger from Bethlehem in our living room complete with camels, donkeys and smelly cattle. The only one missing from the display is the Lord Jesus since He's all grown up now and running the universe from Heaven....but that's another story, of course. Shortly after the 4th of July she loads up the 200 play CD player with all her favorite Christmas tunes and welds the power button down so no one can turn it off. By the time Christmas morning comes we have memorized every Christmas carol, song, and tune ever recorded. In fact, long after Christmas is past I still hear them in my sleep for months. The really sticky thing about Christmas for me now is that I don't have eRIc or Matthew around to help me not go completely insane,insane,insane,insane. I envy them in their apartments free from the tyranny of decorating , putting up lights, and hearing the endless droning of the CD player. I'm sure that by Christmas day I will wish Frosty had never been born and that all reindeer were endangered species.
I know there are several single young men out there reading this and I hope after what you've read you will be very careful in selecting your mate for life. You also may pick a women possessed by the Spirit of Christmas.
P.S. Can any of you put up a few wise men for a few nights?
'Tis the season to be Jolly, yea, right ……..HELP !!!!!!!!
Phy-la-la-la-la…la-la-la-nerk
