After a lengthy talk with my brother in law who is a safety engineer and very involved in all the regulations governing personnel saftey, I began to be more aware of dangers all around me. In fact one be came completly obvious to me during the halftime 'Superband' show friday night. Hundreds of innocent people in the stands are being exposed to high levels of positively-charged neuronic particles coming from the decadant use of electronic devices on the field. Studies have clearly shown that when laboratory animals are exposed from these particles, tapping paws and higher blood pressures often result as well as some of the common side effects of "Viagra". Things would not be as bad, but these particals are even more powerful when originating from 80's-era spandex-laden rock groups (such as was featured friday night). Therefore, I felt it my civic duty to contact our local O.S.H.A. (Occupational Saftey Health Association ) official. He immediately cited article 13.5b, 9.3f, and 13.7g not to mention 2.4 ( which he said was truly a major offender ).
Therefore I feel I need to inform this group as some may need advance notice of a few "minor" things to watch for during the next home game. I thought I might list a few that Dr. Doodad told me of :
1) O.S.H.A. hazardous material team(s) in full gear to collect suspicious neuronic particles
2) O.S.H.A. accoustic engineers to monitor what may be excessive sound levels from the electronic instruments mentioned above.
3) Members of the Hope ministrerial alliance to monitor the presence of any 'foot tapping' during the next performance.
4) Hope S.W.A.T. team to safely take away any out-of-control band teachers, who, by the way, are completly responsible for these protective measures.
Other than that, have a good day. Bye !
Phynek
