the convoginators

I'm back with a vengence!

2010-10-24T13:44:00.001-05:00

I wonder if a certain, retired high school principal would approve.

Convoginators is dead... Long live Convoginators!

2010-01-09T23:14:00.003-06:00

Since no one else has yet made a tombstone post I figure the honor falls to me. Here lies Convoginators.blogspot.com. Alas, it is dead. Yet weep not little ones! This is but a shell, left for those who wax nostalgic. There is yet hope! Convoginatorius Bloggius lives on in a better place: www.convoginators.com! Convoginators forever!

Gov Wars Episode 1

2010-01-01T17:47:00.008-06:00

In this new year I think we should all be more conscious of the ~~riffraff~~ ~~bums~~ disadvantaged among us. This economic downturn has affected all of us, even the best of us...

I'm sure you recognize our mutual associate Mr. Fett. Once a thriving bounty hunter, Mr. Fett's employer (Hutt Ltd.) was forced to let him go due to a hostile takeover by Royal Organa Industries. Rather than seeking re-employment as a bounty hunter, Mr. Fett instead sought an alternative life-course. When interviewed Mr. Fett had this to say:

"I realized that I was spending way too much time working, and not enough time having fun. So, I decided to embrace the inner nomad like so many of the people I hunted in my last life. The wonderful United States government takes care of me now. I have health insurance, a place to stay, food stamps, all provided for me. Now I can finally take up my passion as an accordion-wielding street performer."

Mr. Fett then went on to play a toe-tapping, knee-slapping polka for various gathered Jawas.

2010

2010-01-01T13:41:00.001-06:00

OK gang! Let's all make sure we try and blog today! Make 2010 the year of the Convoginator!

Peace, Love and Chocolate milk to everyone!

Once more 'round the bend

2009-12-31T16:58:00.002-06:00

In just a few more hours our little planet will have made it around our little sun once more. How little? This little.

A new year of stupidity is right around the corner.

2009-12-27T23:39:00.001-06:00

Sorry I haven't been "blogging" as of late. I have so much to say, just so little grammar to say it with. I did however run across this beautiful little tidbit.

Berkeley High School is considering a controversial proposal to eliminate science labs and the five science teachers who teach them to free up more resources to help struggling students.

link: Berkeley High May Cut Out Science Labs | News | East Bay Express

Please read the entire article. I think you will find the whole thing racially intimidating and a little, well, stupid. I do believe it is just one more indicator as to the ridiculousness that is the current administration, and the party that it represents.

Mark my words. There are bad times coming. These bad times will unfortunately affect every aspect of this country. White, black, yellow, brown, rich, poor, educated, uneducated, etc. We won't realize it until we are in the middle of it.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!

Global warming causes massive blizzard! Oh noes!

2009-12-23T21:22:00.002-06:00

Hahahah!

The Most Awesome Thing Ever

2009-12-23T17:38:00.005-06:00

*speechless*

... No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a submersible working model of the Constitution Class NCC-1701-A "Enterprise" refit (year 2286) from Star Trek. Oh my. I think I'm going to swoon now.

Via Make

Grrrr...

2009-12-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

... Phooey.

Bad Medicine

2009-12-21T00:32:00.001-06:00

Well, just a few minutes ago the Senate advanced the Health care bill. I was wondering why I was still awake with this terrible feeling of dread. Now I know! I hope that you all get what you want for Christmas this year. With all the taxation that will now ensue, you will be lucky to have an extra dime this time next year.

Just when I begin to think I have an inkling of talent...

2009-12-20T13:01:00.001-06:00

Ballon Bass And Box Jam - Watch more Funny Videos

It's the most wonderful time of the year... part XVII

2009-12-20T01:42:00.002-06:00

I love this country. It's inhabitants constantly reinforce my belief that aliens will never, ever destroy a planet with such stupid creatures on it. This video interview is so insanely ignorant, you actually begin to hope and pray that it is a comedy sketch from the John Stewart show.

4-Year Old Drinks and Steals Xmas Presents - Watch more Funny Videos

Mobile Christmas

2009-12-18T11:25:00.003-06:00

This is what it would look like if Christmas lights suddenly became metalivores (shaddup. It's a word) and went on a truck-eating rampage.

Thanks, Mr. President

2009-12-17T15:52:00.000-06:00

Phynerk

Manually...

2009-12-16T14:28:00.001-06:00

...You should see them try to play minesweeper.

Oh, Dem Babes

2009-12-15T08:03:00.002-06:00

Phynerk

The real reason I had to go Mac...

2009-12-14T22:32:00.001-06:00

Thanks, Mr. President again

2009-12-14T08:38:00.002-06:00

Phynerk

Country Fishin' Bloopers

2009-12-11T18:56:00.002-06:00

Now, I'm no fishin' expert, but I don't think this is the way thing are s'posed to work.

U.S. Navy gipped on chips

2009-12-11T15:36:00.002-06:00

Navy sold 1000s of counterfeit chips

I'm not sure what scares me more about this story... The fact that our military is using sub-standard chips, the fact that they were buying said chips from people named "Neil Felahy" "Marwah Felahy" and "Mustafa Abdul Aljaff", or the fact that the same supposedly military-grade chips were sold to an unnamed vacuum-cleaner manufacturer.

Is my Roomba one day going to malfunction and blast me with deadly explosives? Is my loyal Dyson going to go commando and blitz the dining room? I don't think I will be able to sleep sound at night knowing my Hoover might suddenly become a really sucky assassin.

Thanks Mr. President, con't.

2009-12-10T15:09:00.002-06:00

Phynerk

Daniel modified it even more...

2009-12-10T14:15:00.001-06:00

Click the thumbnail for a bigger picture.

My addition to Gregs last post.

2009-12-10T10:37:00.001-06:00

"Oh and I think my printer is unplugged. Can you check that?"

Academia Vs. Business

2009-12-10T09:26:00.004-06:00

Sad, but true.

Via XKCD

Thank you, Mr. President

2009-12-10T09:16:00.001-06:00

Phynerk

Git'n in the Spirt!

2009-12-09T11:51:00.005-06:00

Nothing says Christmas like chocolates and Rufus Teague!

The Rufus Teague helps it all go down smooth.

Don't blame bush.....blame this on Abe

2009-12-09T10:50:00.001-06:00

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.........Abraham Lincoln

Phynerk

Just in case anybody missed it...

2009-12-07T20:14:00.000-06:00

I'm sooo happy...

2009-12-07T10:39:00.001-06:00

I'm sooooo happy.....I'd love to tax the whole wide world !

Phynerk

Eeeek it's a ........TREE !!!!!!!

2009-12-07T10:14:00.003-06:00

Participants at the Copenhagen global climate summit opened talks Monday at the start of the holiday season, but they won't be surrounded by festive Christmas decor, according to Denmark's Foreign Ministry.

"We have to remember that this is a U.N. conference and, as the center then becomes U.N. territory, there can be no Christmas trees in the decor, because the U.N. wishes to maintain neutrality," said Denmark Foreign Ministry official Svend Olling.

Well, Svend ( sounds like something my stomach does after a big pizza and belly wash ) you may want to be neutral, but by denying one of the best symbols of the resurrected messiah, you have basically chosen to be AGAINST Him. That's too bad, because He could help you see through the farce of a meeting you are about to have over a non-existant problem. Oh well, there's your wisdom showing again. Too bad, hey I gotta run. Me and the wife of 38 years are going to put up our CHRISTmas tree.

Phynerk

WE MUST SHTOP LEETAL BABY!

2009-12-05T15:12:00.002-06:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Oh, oh, oh my goodness... *snif* Ah.

OK, if you like Funniest Home Videos, and you like dub-overs, you will bust a gut watching this. There are a few choice words, so not one to watch with the kids. Still well worth watching for a good laugh.

This is what we did today...

2009-12-04T16:09:00.001-06:00

Yeah, it was something like this!

UH HUH!

2009-12-04T13:37:00.000-06:00

That'll be $38,000 with tax.

2009-12-03T07:28:00.002-06:00

Dear Congress,

Please stop wasting my money on frivolous crap. My friend Matthew warned you years ago that global warming was poo and Al Gore was the poster child, but you didn't listen. Thanks for wasting all that perfectly good tax money. Also, who gives a crap about White House party crashers? Not I, and not the American taxpayers. When you find yourself voted out of office, please remember that these people:
mean nothing to the average American, and what they did at the White House, even less.

Please do the job we hired you for and stop wasting time, lives and money.

Thanks,

Manteca

Tired Satellite

2009-12-02T14:20:00.003-06:00

Yes, you perceive correctly. That is, in fact, a stump and three tires supporting a satellite dish. Only in Hopeless Arkansas.

I'm willing to wager the only reason the satellite dish had tires to support it at all is because the owner purchased $3000 worth of new rims for his $500 car.

You remember what it was like working for me!

2009-12-02T14:12:00.001-06:00

Yes, that is Equebius.

2009-12-01T14:32:00.001-06:00

... OK, now I know Facebook is passe.

Ultimate bumper sticker

2009-12-01T10:52:00.003-06:00

Phynerk

Happy redneck Christmas, Ya'll

2009-12-01T09:43:00.001-06:00

Phynerk

For Phynerk!

2009-11-29T23:40:00.001-06:00

JTDR speaks!

2009-11-29T23:24:00.004-06:00

I have finally gotten the JIVE TALK DECODER RING vocoder to work... well, somewhat. I am still working on the voice. The following is from Phynerk's post. I hope you enjoy it as much as i do.

Hide the Decline

2009-11-28T10:48:00.001-06:00

Since Thursday of last week more and more info is coming out about the hoax of Global Warming.

Enjoy

Downward Spiral Part II

2009-11-26T00:16:00.001-06:00

I was also visiting one of the dollar stores for some orange soda and hot fries (don't judge me) and I noticed this lovely Christmas gift that seems to be a hot seller. Not just sexy, but sexy times two! WOW! Notice there are only two bottles left. I bought three, ingested one and used the other two as a rinse in the shower.

So we sprial downward.

2009-11-26T00:01:00.001-06:00

I had to run into the grocery that sounds a lot like Save-A-Lot. I'm checking out with my one item and I notice that to my right, along with unknown brands of batteries, candy bars and cigarette lighters there sits the handy dandy generic pregnancy test. 1$ Yes, you can get government help on the funding. Adam Lambert checked me out...

No recession, but crap just the same!

2009-11-23T23:45:00.001-06:00

I hope I don't get sued for this video. Counselor Claybrook, free legal advice here.

Sol III destroyed!

2009-11-23T18:22:00.000-06:00

Read the full story here. Pure gold.

Glove Shoes

2009-11-21T20:00:00.004-06:00

OK, these look like the most comfortable shoes ever. Seriously. Ever since I was knee-high I have walked on the ball of my foot (basically tip-toes). When I'm at home my heels almost never touch the ground, but when I am out and about I have to wear shoes that make it almost impossible for me to walk "naturally". You should see the wear pattern on my soles, it speaks volumes.

In case there is some confusion

2009-11-19T09:17:00.002-06:00

In case there is some confusion from Jeff C's last post, the hot one is on the right.

Phynerk

Speaking of old posts...

2009-11-18T19:26:00.002-06:00

As long as we're rehashing old gems (and a hat tip to Phynerk for suggesting it), I thought I'd air out this gem courtesy of the hottest Convoginator:

_________________________________________________________________________________

Seashell 1/12/2005

This is not a sales pitch...

Well, I thought I'd post just for the sake of posting, cuz let's face it folks, it's been a while for this ol' seashell. I'm now in the land of bad food, no sleep, and excessive amounts of stress, after an arduous drive and tons of packing and unpacking, but who's complaining? Well, not me. Nope. (However, I would like to complain about my grammar as of late.) I have better things to do than sit around and comment on the way of things. I'd much rather discuss the Send Seashell to Ireland Fund and its progress to date. As far as I can tell, we're still lacking just a bit, especially if anyone else wants to come along or if anyone wants a Blarney Stone or a dead Leprechaun, or some other such souvenir. I suggest that people buy more from our wonderful store. Is that too much to ask? I'd do it myself if there were available funds. I know everyone is simply dying to own a man thong. Don't be shy. We'll never know. I promise. We only know about that fifty cents sitting there waiting to be used. The stein is also an excellent choice. Might I suggest a little Guinness to fill it...

That's it,
seashell

__________________________________________________________________________________

I LOL'd.

Jeff

4 years ago Jeff couldn't spell 'attorney'. Now he are one.

2009-11-18T09:44:00.003-06:00

Circa 8/21/2005 By Jeff C.

Quarter Life Crisis...
After much soul-searching and deliberation, I have finally concluded that I have been contemplating the wrong line of work for some time now. While I enjoy flying very much, I have a gut feeling that it would quickly become old hat and would leave me with spending 15 nights a month away from home in a job that requires little more intelligence than that of a chimpanzee. (Hey, they flew spaceships, the cockpit of a modern airliner is far easier to administrate than that of the apollo space capsule.) Jets aren't loud and smokey anymore, they don't have cool cockpits, and soaring fuel prices and mismanagement would lead one to believe that there is very little job security in the aviation industry. Acknowledging these facts, I set out to find something with which to occupy the time between my birth and subsequent death. Knowing that I will undoubtedly be a work-a-holic in whichever field I find, I should at least puruse something that will stand the chance of allowing a comfortable existence. I also needed something that I would enjoy at least somewhat, and aside from flying, I do enjoy a good argument. Alas, I believe that law school is most probably in my future. Don't worry, I refuse to be "the man in the white hat." Although it's good to have direction in a seemingly directionless life again, my timing is particularly troubling as I cannot start law school until next fall... therefore... I need a job. At least that conundrum has not alleviated itself. Off to find employment...Jeff C.

Congratulations on the new job as Ass't prosecuter. You are the greatest friend I have ever had. I even love your Dad, the Crestwood Sniper. By the way about this parking ticket.....

Phynerk

Just in time for Christmas

2009-11-17T19:25:00.003-06:00

It is with great anticipation that Convoginators will be releasing another product to the public just in time for Christmas. Based upon the huge success of the past breakthroughs from the “Insta-Grat” Software Suite and the “Surgi-Shave” 6 blade razor, we announce our newest product from Phynerk Labs; The Jive Talk Decoder Ring. Much appreciation must be given to Dr. Irving P. Schmidtlap for his original work in sinusoidal depleneration on which the JTDR design rests. The unit is actually very easy to use even though the technology driving this amazing invention goes far beyond the ability of this writer to convey to the common laymen. The unit is constructed in two simple pieces. The first piece is simply placed upon the document of which trace quantities of Jive may exist and the second is a 3 inch round ring that is placed over the mouth. As the suspect document is read “through” the JTDR mouth amulet, the true interpretation of the host document is actually heard. I can only ponder the utter amazement you have with the somewhat technical descriptions of the JTDR. I am certain what you really want is an actual demonstration. As you wish ! Before me I have a recent copy of the Hope newspaper, I have just finished reading a typical article that was submitted by a high-ranking officer in the Hope Public Schools. I personally thought I detected a slight quantity of Jive in one particular paragraph. To see if my suspicions are correct, we will pass this same paragraph “through” the JTDR to ascertain the true rendering of the host document. Therefore, the original document reads as follows:

We must continue to work hard and provide research-based programs that will help close the achievement gap between our African American and Caucasian student populace as well as our ever increasing Hispanic population. Please, go to your schools and ASK NOT WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR YOU BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM. It still takes a village to raise a child.

Now I will attach the JTDR and read the same paragraph through the mouth amulet and the following Jive Talk detection is as follows:

We will continue to acquiesce to the false notion that the goal of education is “Equality” and not “Excellence” by dumbing down the white kids for the sake of the non-achieving skurves that are reproducing at an alarming rate. Please go to your schools and DON’T ASK NOTHIN’ BUT WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR YOU. Soon the Village People will be raising your children.

So there you have it. This remarkable device will soon be available in all your favorite stores in Hope that sell car parts, tobacco, or homemade tamales. Or in other words any store in town.

Phynerk

What a mule kisser...

2009-11-15T00:05:00.005-06:00

This says it all.

(Phynerk Observation: Maybe somebody needs to sweep the dust from these folk's front porch near the doors)

Rummaging in the history bin

2009-11-13T23:11:00.003-06:00

Haha! Look what I found. Everything old is new again.

Jeff, January 2005:

"Yes, I have become a Mac person. I own a G4 iBook, I own a G3 tower, I wanted to own a G5 iMac or better yet a powermac with one of those super-badass and cool 23" cinema displays. But, I'm growing up... and the more I grow up, the more I realize exactly what I need a computer to do for me: I need to play video games. Matthew may in fact be smirking at this very moment and repeatedly yelling, "I told you so." Well... he in fact did. However, I maintain that many Mac's can run games like Call of Duty just fine... but no Mac that I can afford can do such a thing. Heck, I'm excited to be able to browse the net.

Therefore, out of respect for the time-honored tradition of gaming, I have ordered a 3.2ghz P4 monster with hyperthreading, a gig of 533mhz RAM, and a free 17" flat panel upgrade. I have a mac, I might as well have a windows desktop for the more fun stuff... like blowing up bad guys. Those of you with windows machines may, however be wanting to break into the mac world, and there has obviously been no better time. Following the lead of BMW, Apple has released the Mac Mini. Obviously a throwback to the cube days, this may meet with better results. I just wish I had a reason to own one, and you can't beat the price.

Off to work."

But the greatest is.....

2009-11-13T14:07:00.002-06:00

Manteca 1/8/2005

Warning do not view this post with full bladder. Too funny !

Phynerk

I don't want to toot my own horn....but...

2009-11-13T11:53:00.004-06:00

Check these archived dates:

Jan 1, 2007

October 11, 2006

And the all time Classic...March 1, 2005

Where has the humor gone ?

Phynerk

THE MANHAMMER --BECAUSE A HAMMER LIKE THIS REQUIRES ALL-CAPS

2009-11-12T19:11:00.005-06:00

Two words: do want.

It's like hitting things and hammering things all wrapped up in a primal, manly, uni brow sprouting, forehead thickening, wrought iron and lacewood package! This is not a mere pair of hands. This is not a simple hammer. This is a Manhammer. What problem could you not solve with this? Nail needs pounding? MANHAMMER! Walls require an abrupt and violent scattering? MANHAMMER! Pizza delivery boy thee minutes late? MANHAMMER! Secret handshake need a little pizazz? MANHAMMER! Climate change? MANHAMMER! World peace? MANHAMMER!

Sadly only one of these has ever been forged. When asked as to why just one, Martus & Silvio simply stated "Because the world is not big enough for two". Chuck Norris, the only man manly enough to wield the Manhammer, is scheduled to give his impressions at a press conference later this week.

Here we go.

2009-10-30T22:56:00.001-05:00

Obama is a Robot

2009-10-30T11:37:00.001-05:00

Barack Obama's amazingly consistent smile from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

Humpf.....

2009-10-30T08:06:00.001-05:00

To think .... I used to really like Sting .

Phynerk

To quote Stevie Wonder....kinda'

2009-10-24T12:11:00.002-05:00

Isn't 'B' Lovely ??

Phynerk

Look for the silver lining

2009-10-21T08:22:00.003-05:00

I know things seem very bleak now with all the news of tens of thousands more people each month losing their jobs. Well, there is one place where there are many new jobs popping up each day. That’s right…in Iraq ! Yes, there is ample work for anyone willing to work hard and excel in developing fields of employment. Here are just a few examples:

Certified B.P.G. ( certified body parts gatherer ) – Yes, with the many suicide bombings each day this new field of body parts gathering is wide open to just about anyone who is willing to endure a little nausea and focused concentration. There are several payment plans open based on the following criteria:
Hours worked
Investigations worked
P.B.P. ( pay by part ) based on quantity collected, not quality

Another hot field of work are R.C.C.C. ( Registered Coffin Carrier Corps) . Seems each day in the news someone is being carried somewhere in a coffin over there. Well some one’s got to do it and it could be…you. Those with back problems are strongly urged not to inquire as this job is labor intensive. ( some of these sultans can get pretty fat !)

Finally, let’s not forget the ever popular position of O.B.S. (Official Ballot Stuffer). With the increase of democracy in Iraq, there will be many more elections to come. Each one of these elections will need a staff of qualified and trained ballot stuffers to help sway the vote in the “proper” direction.

So, you see, things really aren’t as bad as the news tends to paint them. Opportunity is something one must search out. Like the truth….opportunity is out there.

Phynerk

Ain't Love Grand ?

2009-10-17T14:20:00.000-05:00

Phynerk

See anyone familiar ?

2009-10-13T08:52:00.002-05:00

Watch VIDEO.

Phynerk

The Umbladea

2009-09-16T21:59:00.004-05:00

In these troubled times of political and economic turmoil, we find ourselves feeling vulnerable, insecure, and afraid. In this country's past citizen would arm themselves with handguns, rifles, grenades, tanks, rocket launchers and small explosives. Unfortunately, such methods are no longer a fashionable option in our Utopian Society of America©. What then is the responsible, open-minded, and tolerant individual to do?

Introducing the Umbladea™! The safe and responsible option for personal protection. The Umbladea™ hilt features sturdy biodegradable plastic-esque construction, exquisitely wrapped in the finest non-ozone depleting organic pseudo suede. The canopy, though tall dark and mysterious on the outside, is hand painted with butterflies, unicorns, kittens and rainbows on the inside.

As a means of self-defense the Umbladea™ is unparalleled in sheer foreboding. Recent multi trillion dolor government studies headed by the renowned Sean Connery¹ reveal that the appearance of deadly force is 196% more effective than actual, tragic violence. Think of the whales and redwoods!

Manufactured in the finest Cuban design shops the Umbladea™ will doubtless serve you for years to come, warding off everything from the misguided burglar in need of The People's support and counseling, to rabid right-wing nutjobs beyond our benevolent aid. Should the Umbladea™ ever fail you however, merely send the ashes (and any assorted hilt fragments) back to the Umbladea™ labs. In return we will send you, or your nearest living relative, a full refund in 6-8 weeks.

Umbladea™, because the world needs more excuses©!

¹ For the full 4682 page report, simply mail $645 Utopian Society of America dollo":FAj][flkn';';pp.,e

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...I blame the fever. Oh, and the Umbladea (though it isn't called that) is really an item:

http://www.materious.com/projects/umbrellas_detailed.html

and is no where near as whacked-out as Umbladea Labs™ . Though, the article linked above has a disturbed sense of humor (?) of it's own.

It didn't sneak in like I thought it would

2009-09-16T09:30:00.001-05:00

So the House today passed a resolution to admonish Rep. Joe Wilson. Who famously yelled "You Lie!" as President Obama delivered a health care reform address to a joint session of Congress last Wednesday. Also today. . .

In an obvious reference to the Ku Klux Klan, Rep. Hank Johnson, D-Ga., says that people will put on "white hoods and ride through the countryside" if emerging racist attitudes, which he says were subtly supported by Rep. Joe Wilson, are not rebuked. *Foxnews

So now the official race card has been played. I remember my dealings with it in the mid 1990's. The statement made in my case was "if you let them keep playing that song, then soon they'll be leading you around in chains." The song was the melody to Dixie. It was played as an opening theme to the section in the "American Tradition" show that represented the Civil War. Two antiphonal trumpets played it as the band remained bowed at the waist. As the band came in and began to raise up, the theme changed into Amazing Grace. One of my best arrangements and in my eyes and those of the students, one that clearly represented the travesties of the war and the grace that saved this country at it's conclusion.

I thought I would have a hard time writing this. I always worry (and so do my fellow Convoginators) that I will get myself in trouble with some of the things I put on here. Well, if I'm not mistaken, this is still the United States of America, and one of my rights is Freedom of Speech. So I am exercising that. In this city, the ugly, multi-headed hydra of racism has risen it's head once again. A volunteer deputy, used a racial slur to refer to an altercation that was taking place during the Labor Day weekend. This "word" was announced across the law enforcement radios as the gentleman put on his pants and "accidently" held down the microphone key. Needless to say, this has caused quite the "row" here in the birthplace of Bill Clinton.

All this to say, I believe it is in poor judgement that our elected leaders begin to even utter the idea of the KKK or racial impunities inside government buildings. Then again, what do I know? I'm just a stupid tech guy.

**UPDATE: Now Jimmy Carter, you know the idiot former president that just will not leave the spotlight, has now weighed in on the debacle. He too, believes that Joe Wilson is a racist.

God. . . Please bless America!

2009-09-15T15:01:00.001-05:00

Do not watch this video if you have any problems with violence.

School Bus Beating.

Things are gonna change. I just believe it will be for the worse. . . for a little while.

I'm not wise in the ways of law....

2009-09-08T09:54:00.002-05:00

On July 5th we were coming back home from a wonderful visit with in-laws when we had a terrible accident. All I can remember of the whole thing was commenting to Mrs. Phy how much the locals must be enjoying all the rain we just started to see. Anyway, while I was being “worked” on in the hospital ER, a state trooper walked in the room and presented me with a ticket for “careless operation of a vehicle”. Wow, I guess he must have thought that after 46 years with a perfect driving record, I just decided on a mere whim to begin turning ‘donuts’ on the wet highway with the whole family on board. Anyway, after weeks of phone calls to the officials in LA and after getting the assistance from an attorney, the ‘powers that be’ in LA said that since the accident only involved our vehicle and since there was no public property damaged and since I possessed said perfect driving record, the moving violation of “careless operation of a vehicle “would be reduced to a non-moving violation of “improper operation of a vehicle”. I still haven’t figured out how you improperly operate a vehicle with it parked (non moving ) ??? Maybe Jeff C. understands.

Phynerk

You can't miss it.....

2009-09-03T15:38:00.002-05:00

......we live in the orange house on the hill.
See 'ya real soon.

Phynerk

Honey, It's me......

2009-09-03T07:47:00.002-05:00

....I might be a little late tonight. I ran into a little traffic on the Interstate....

Phynerk

Tech Savvy

2009-08-29T23:02:00.002-05:00

-- Originally from xkcd

Ye Olde Pied Piper

2009-08-26T20:57:00.003-05:00

Need I even say anything?

Originally from Are We Lumberjacks? --another coven for radical right-wing nut-jobs (On a side-note, I LOVE HYPHENS!) with a penchant for photo manipulation.

When the going gets tough, the tough go to Martha's Vineyard.

2009-08-24T23:54:00.008-05:00

I think that it is interesting that during a time when the country has hit a 9 trillion dollar deficit, the terms recession and depression are thrown around wholeheartedly and many are losing their jobs, their homes and their lives (Iraq and Afghanistan), our elected leader decides to flaunt his obnoxiousness and vacation in one of the wealthiest areas of our country. You know, you only have four years, and so far you haven't done crap for this nation.

I admit that everyone needs a break, but come on. The guy lives in a house where he is waited on constantly, he has been globetrotting the ENTIRE time he has been in office, and the biggest news story? The freakin' family pet. It is becoming quite obvious that this administration does not have the maturity needed to get things done. The attitude POTUS and his staff take towards the American people and their responsibility to this country is a travesty. I’m just waiting for Queen Michelle to utter “let them eat cake.”

That is the face of...DUH!->

Now that he has released his fellow Muslims from Gitmo, started his march toward Socialism with his “wealth care” plan, it’s time to get that last line of defense (CIA) out of the way so the takeover will go smoother. So the CIA is being accused of improper/illegal interrogation tactics. You would think an administration that thinks it can just “print more money,” would understand that this is America. We improvise, adapt, overcome (Thanks Clint Eastwood-Heartbreak Ridge) to get the job done…for AMERICA! The newly formed White House Interrogation Unit headed by the FBI and overseen by, well, the White House, will make sure that none of the country’s enemies will be subjected to mean, hurtful things that might make them cry. I wonder when the storm troopers will begin kicking in the doors in my neighborhood? There will be more White House controlled groups like, the People's Committee for Unified Religion, Democratic Party (Wait...my bad), Socialist United for Change (actually the same as the previous one) and lets not forget the Go Ahead and Open Your Mouth So We Can Jail or Shoot You (ACLU for short).

Aww shucks, I’m worried over nothing. I’m sure that history will not repeat itself, and the millions of highly educated people in this country won’t fall for shiny trinkets and promises of free money. I guess we should just make sure we are at the mosque for prayers when the spit hits the fan.

And yes, I would like fries with that! (when you have time and aren't on your cell phone complaining about your job)

By way of introduction...

2009-08-23T23:03:00.003-05:00

Greetings Convoginites!

Well, here I am, ushered into the inner sanctum. Our very own Manteca graciously extended to me the invitation to join this most noble band of sacrosanct milk-monks, and I have been deeply pondering the existential question of what to make my first post about ever since. Should I explore the nature of man? Should I plum the depths of the purpose for our existence? Should I decry the lunacy of our duly elected officials (and by extension the electors there of)?

By the count of many moons I sought the answer to my puzzle; the end to the labyrinthine questions what? why? and when?

Then, as if by some ethereal hand of fate, the goal of my quest was laid before me. At that very moment I knew what I must do. And so, dear brothers, I set before you something so perfect, so outlook-altering, so inherently awesome that it could only be composed of the purest elements of good known to all mankind... Seven words are all that is needed to elucidate the nature of this delirium, seven words I now speak with the utmost reverence...

Lego 8-bit video game stop-motion music video.

Past 40 and going down quickly!

2009-08-23T13:50:00.001-05:00

So I turned forty years old this year. I have to say it was like flipping a switch. I am no longer fat, my body has decided to shed the extra pounds that have burdened me over the past two decades, and yes, I'm shrinking. I am also losing my mind. I know many of you, Claybrook especially, will say I lost it years ago. Seriously, I forget even the small things now. Where I parked my car, what I had for lunch, to breath. I am also easily distracted. The guys this summer picked up on that one quickly. We would be heading out to do a project and they would get me caught up in a discussion of new cell phones or tiny laptops, and boom, three hours had elapsed. If you know me I would then state, "we can hit that tomorrow."

I think the saddest result of the forty year milestone is my inability to retain anything. I am pretty sure that I have wasted the last ten plus years. I don't believe that I know anything that I used to think I knew. Whilst perusing the technical job market online, I realized that I was only qualified to put ends on CAT5 and do fairly menial Microsoft Word documents. I'm pretty sure that my band skills were those of yelling and drawing pictures on paper, that I later yelled at students until they transformed my ridiculous scribble into drill formations. Lately, when I play a bass gig, I don't get a call back for a least six months, and then it's usually, "well, our bass player was abducted by aliens and we thought of you."

Luckily, most things I do last like a week or two. Then I jump onto something else. I'm hoping this mid-life, dare I say crisis (because I had one when I turned 30) will soon run it's course and I will be onto something new and a little more narcissistic. I need to worry about me a little more.hehe!

I laughed...then I laughed some more!

2009-08-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

So you say it’s our Birthday.

2009-08-21T07:19:00.002-05:00

Well, today is another “birthday”-type day for me. It’s my 38th anniversary ! Yes, that’s 38 YEARS and not days our even hours by the standards being set in these times. Ah, this morning I took an imaginary walk back through time to relive some of the ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ I have seen with Mrs. Phy. It’s clear that after all this time I can say I have become more like her than she has of me…and that’s a really good thing.

I agree with the Manteca. I also miss the glory days on this site when we were constantly being mentally, academically, and politically stimulated and challenged through the varied wisdom on display here. It’s really sad to think how long it has been since someone has issued the call to arms with “poop”. Yes, those were the days.

Phynerk

Another year...

2009-08-20T22:36:00.007-05:00

Six years have come and gone and this time we didn't even realize it. Anyone remember when we thought we were actually accomplishing something (even miniscule) that was either entertaining or educating the public? I think we may be reaching the point at which, dare I say, the Convoginators have become obsolete. I know that may strike some of you as an impossibility, but the world may not need our political insight, witty commentaries or just plain silliness, anymore. I for one have noticed that my random youtube post is a sad attempt at reclaiming those days of old when the Convoginators garnered as many as thirty readers a day. I am thankful that a handful of people out there have forgotten to remove us from their feed readers and we still rack up to thirty readers a week.

I wonder if we need to have a telethon to raise awareness of the importance of our site? I knew we should have had a booth at the 2009 Hope Watermelon Festival...did anyone go? I for one am a sad excuse for a Convoginator and a human being. I have not been in touch with Phynerk in at least seven years. I'm pretty sure that most of the members have written me off as "missing in action."

So there it is. The Happy Sixth (Belated) Birthday post for the Convoginators. I do believe we have seen this thing through infancy, into puberty, midlife and now we are nearing the end. Maybe a blog's life is counted in dog years...

Happy 42nd Birthday Convoginators!

Squirrels are funny...

uh...well...

2009-08-19T20:23:00.001-05:00

I really don't know what to say about this.

They really don't care!

2009-08-12T22:37:00.001-05:00

It is obvious to pretty much anyone with half a brain that the current democrap members of congress could give a flying flip about what Americans want. They just want us to shut up, do what they say and pay for it. Obama has made it ok for anyone that gets elected to actually believe they are smart.

Arlen Specter also got his at Penn State. I find it funny that he "thinks people who have been angrily disrupting town hall meetings across the nation are "not necessarily representative of America," but should be heard." You know, like those crazy guys that dumped all the tea in the harbor and then started a war with the British. That is true though, I have a job, a family, morals, pay taxes and thank heaven for the Bill of Rights. In this day and age that is nowhere near what is representative of America. I am glad the he feels "they should be heard." At least that way, when the witch trials start he and the other Socialist will have all the dirt on the "angry mobs" they need to start the public imprisonment and killings.

From Pelosi to Clinton, these ladies are real pieces of work!

2009-08-10T23:00:00.002-05:00

I love this video. I love it that Hellary has to deal with the fact that her husband walked into N. Korea and showed her (and Obama)up. Yes, it's true that he did apologize, but does that actually suprise anyone? He has no honor, apologizing to him is just one more lie. I just found out that I am playing a gig in October for Mike Ross and Bill Clinton. I'm thinking of wearing a blue dress...hehehe! Most likely though, Linda Douglas will pass this along to Hellary and I will be killed in my sleep sometime in the next four weeks.

Enjoy the "true colors" video of Hellary Clinton.

Dear Linda Douglas

2009-08-09T22:50:00.001-05:00

My name is Jeff Madlock. I strongly support the Bill of Rights. I will use my Freedom of Speech anywhere and everywhere. I believe President Obama is not the right man for the office. As far as healthcare goes, he knows nothing and his "plan" is a fluke. I will vote against him in the next election and work as hard as I can to convince everyone else to do the same.

I would like to save my enemies the trouble. Please put me on your list.

Dang, why didn't I think of this !!!

2009-08-07T14:02:00.003-05:00

'Cloud ship' scheme to deflect the sun's rays is favourite to cut global warming
Ships with giant funnels which travel the world's seas creating more clouds to deflect the sun's rays could help cut global warming, say scientists. After the world council of scientists conveaned, Dr. Albert Schmidlap was asked if there were any potential downsides to this technolgy. The following is a short list of the "small" problems that could arise:

The added clouds would possibly spawn category 7 hurricanes.
The number of 'Cloud ships' required to attenuate the sun's heat on the earth would require new oceans to be dug.
The incresed clouds would cause even the most cheerful person to become a gloomy gus.
It would then cause Al Gore to begin an even bigger campain against Global Cooling.

Phynerk

Where have I been?

2009-08-06T00:40:00.001-05:00

I know it has been a LONG time since I have posted here. I have been embroiled in a small war with the voices in my head, the hunger in my stomach and the people that work with me at the crazy house. There is not a minute that goes by when I say to myself (in that small voice way in the back behind the other voices.hush Sybil) I need to blog about that. I wonder if that is what finally hammers in the final death nail for blogs? The coulda, woulda, shoulda? Anyways, I was just perusing several websites and realized that Phynerk was probably wondering if I fell off the planet or had I been completely out of the loop from all the shenanigans going on in the country lately.

Well, no, I am still reading the newest fiction to grip America. The one entitled "Obama's Presidency." I can't wait until they fix all the programs out there, so we can get this country and the economy back on track. I want to take my 1974 Pacer to the emergency room and get my free Tamiflu. Wait, that isn't right. Is it that I get my new S.N.A.P. (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) card once I have a crush on a car that gets a combined gas mileage of 18 mpg or better? No, I remember, I have to have gas. That should work out, I always have gas. I think if I grow corn in my backyard, smoke medicinal marijuana and tell the government on my friends who are part of the "angry mobs" that are attacking these poor senators at town hall meetings, I get to go to that rock concert. The Clash for Junkies. I love the Clash.

Socialism will most likely save America. Well, that's what the liberals are telling me. Then again, it is hard to understand them while they are hugging those trees and their mouths are all full of tofu. I just participated in a conversation lately in which I was lectured (for the 3,000th time) on how parents need to take more responsibility in raising their children. One local school is providing all children with ALL school supplies. That is responsible. Now all the parents will have to do is decide where to buy the carton of Marlboros.

There's ya some ramblings. I couldn't focus in on anything because there is just way to much crap. School starts in two weeks and that means football. . . EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!

Deficit Spending For Laymen

2009-07-23T21:27:00.003-05:00

Like many Americans, I find numbers larger than 1 Billion difficult to grasp. This is an interesting video that puts these numbers and spending in terms that everyone can understand. Enjoy:

Where is the outcry amongst the anti-Bush crowd over this kind of irresponsible spending? Props to Harry Truman!

POTUS Smotus.

2009-07-22T23:48:00.001-05:00

So the health care deal is a joke. Not as much of a joke as President Barry. This cat is so full of himself and so out of the loop that it is almost like watching a silly English comedy on BBC1. I couldn't stop watching the crap flowing from his mouth about the healthcare industry and the people who can't afford health care. I can't afford a Rolls Royce or liposuction. You gonna pass laws for that too? Hey America, don't let these jerks take your hard earned money and give it the lazy people! The best part of the night? That was when he took gasoline and poured it on the race fire. Thanks for the equity. Looks like your buddy the great, almighty, Bishop, reverend, rabbi Jeremiah Wright taught you well.

I sincerely hope the wealthy in this country wake up, build their own armies and keep the money that they earned. I know, this is mad rambling, but I didn't know what else to do.

What's say we drive to the beach.......

2009-07-21T09:58:00.002-05:00

......relax and get away from everything ?

Ahhhh.....

Phynerk

The "other" guy.....

2009-07-20T07:33:00.004-05:00

When people ask me how I'm feeling my only answer these days is that "I'm alive !

Phynerk

What a lovely country!

2009-07-13T22:51:00.001-05:00

You need to read this article. Read the whole thing...then sit back and laugh.

You shoulda' saw the other guy...

2009-07-07T15:58:00.003-05:00

I found out the meaning of the big word; hydroplane.

Phynerk

Another headline to get your attention...

2009-07-02T11:22:00.002-05:00

Uranium exists on the moon, according to new data from a Japanese spacecraft.

So the logical step from this announcement is debate and discussion as to the possibility of building nuclear power plants on the moon. Wow, what a great idea ! We’re running out of energy here on Earth, gas is going back up, we can’t drill for oil that’s off our own nation’s coasts, and we can’t build any more nuclear plants here, so why not….build some on the moon for the sake of the many people who visit there. Hey, let’s make it as comfortable for all those Japs, Ruskies and Chinese up there. We could use the power to light and air condition the US Moon welcome center. There couldn’t be a better time to begin this project as right now when all of us that have worked hard all our lives watch our life savings dissolve daily as we continue to be barraged by these wisely conceived projects.

Phynerk

2009-07-01T16:26:00.004-05:00

Although I disagree with pretty much all political views here (which is no secret) I do like to share funny stuff. :)

Enjoy!

In the long run we are all dead.*

2009-06-29T00:06:00.001-05:00

What a weird week. Last week we lost four entertainers. All four were interesting, amazing people in their own right. I'm not sure what their impact on humanity is, or will be. Only time will tell. I do, however, find it interesting that the rest of the world was placed on the back burner as the mainstream media filled the airwaves with the life and faces of Michael Jackson.

The moment Michael Jackson's death hit the airwaves, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could breath easier. The passing of the "King of Pop," overshadowed the violence that was the Iranian presidential elections. What else is there to say, Ahmadinejad gets away with murder, again.

*John Maynard Keynes

Car Wars

2009-06-26T08:29:00.003-05:00

How will Germany and the US answer the crisis in the auto industry?

Phynerk

The reason for Convogination...

2009-06-22T13:40:00.003-05:00

One of these and a large chocolate malt.

Phynerk

This recently caught my attention

2009-06-18T09:35:00.003-05:00

This headline caught my attention:

City: Workers Must Wear Underwear
Deodorant Also Included In Florida City's Revised Dress Code

Here's the report:

The Brooksville city council recently approved a revised dress code as part of its effort to update existing policies.
The revision instructs employees to observe "strict personal hygiene," including the use of deodorant. It lists "the observable lack of undergarments and exposed undergarments" as "unacceptable attire."
It also prohibits clothing with foul language or messages promoting drug use, "sexually provocative" garments, halter tops and piercings anywhere except the ears.
Repeat offenders can be fired.
The city council approved the dress code 4-1. Mayor Joe Bernadini opposed the revision, saying the underwear edict "takes away freedom of choice."

There's a couple of things I would like to comment on concerning this very touchy subject. In fact Mayor Bernadini was so adament to his stance of opposing the council vote, he pulled his trousers down at the meeting's end to prove "he had a choice".

Next, I began to read many of the reader comments and you would be amazed the flood of voices that rose to resent the "rights" that were being violated now that these new rules will be put in place. I decided to help show WHY these rules were drawn up to start with:

Phynerk

I won and we are back!

2009-06-13T23:28:00.001-05:00

After a small battle (and small fortune) with our redirection and name provider, we are back online. I would like to thank those of you who have hung on, waiting for the Convoginators to reappear on the blogging scene. I know for a fact that Phynerk is itching to get back on the old blogging horse and get the "good" news out there.

I would like to encourage all of our members to keep us abreast of what is happening in your world this summer by blogging. I for one will make sure and keep the conservative based hilarity rolling!

The top 5 things you need to be doing.

2009-05-24T21:01:00.001-05:00

I thought that my weekends couldn't get anymore mundane, I was wrong. So, I was surfing, writing, surfing, sleeping and surfing. I thought I might write down a few things that I feel you need to be doing during this great time of political, moral and economic change. Just suggestions, I'm not the final answer, nor the most intelligent one for that matter.

Keep up with the news. Now I know that one of my good friends out there hates to keep up with the news because it brings him down. Don't get caught with your pants down! These websites will help you keep up. FoxNews (conservative viewpoint), CNN (liberal viewpoint), DrudgeReport (just the facts ma'am).
Keep up with your money. This is a big one. I don't really think that I have to make any other comments on this. I find this new site pretty stinking awesome when it comes to what you have, what you want and where in the heck it is all going. PocketSmith.
Keep up with all ideas, whether good or bad, you'd be surprised what actually seems like a good idea after a few sleeps. This site is amazing and gives you the ability to use your phone to keep up with the next big "plan" the moment you come up with it. EverNote.
Keep up with the latest technology. So many of you have heard of the great Windows 7. I can testify right here, right now, that it will change the computing experience as we know it. I have been running it since the beta release and cannot get over the way it has transformed my computer usage and the hardware that I use. It is free (Windows 7 RC) and good until June 2010. The official release comes out the third week of October 2009, and I promise, you will be ready to purchase two weeks after installing the release candidate. Download Windows 7.
Keep up with the Convoginators. I, for one, am behind in my posting and will attempt (I can't even keep my regular rehearsals with Phynerk) to post at least three times a week. Yeah, that's what I am going to do!

Did America get it right?

2009-05-21T07:19:00.001-05:00

I just love the liberal media. I wish the news sites and papers had this same headline after the presidential election. I think the same question applies to those voters who put that crazy old coot Arlen Specter back in office. If you didn't know, the nut job decided this morning to side with Fancy Pelosi and state that the CIA withheld information from him also. So the guy jumps parties and now decides to slit the throat of the CIA. Oh yeah, GMAC got $5 billion.they need more, so now they are becoming a quasi government entity. You heard me right, forget your taxes, just make out the check to the United Socialist States of America!

Mmmm, $17 McNuggets

2009-05-18T00:52:00.001-05:00

OSHA Compliance with Manteca

2009-05-15T11:11:00.003-05:00

This is for Phynerk... Where I work, OSHA is where you go to get some sun...and see some sharks.